So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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