my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
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He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
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My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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