just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
