I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
he quoted the bible to break up with me
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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