What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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