girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You took a bar mat shot.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
