Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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