i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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