Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I looked at my own cervix.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
