found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
