is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
