I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
