She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
