My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
