Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
