is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He? As in you personified your dick?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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