walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
