Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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