have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
my god I love twenty year old dicks
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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