I wish I could punch you in the face.
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
if only i could text you this smell
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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