Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
