i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
