My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
