Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
one two three fourrrrnication!
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
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