sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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