oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize