even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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