i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
