I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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