Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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