I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Randomize
