Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
