I accidentally had phone sex last night
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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