anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
