is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
