My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
