I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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