I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
