Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
