First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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