I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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