He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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