I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
