I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
