dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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