found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
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