ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
