Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
