feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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