I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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