U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I cockslap morals
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
