Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize