Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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