mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
