At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
