I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
True strength comes from lack of pants
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
