She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
