Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
