she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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