so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
