New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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