Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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