This dress was meant to end up on your floor
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
