I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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