she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
