she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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